Back Behind the Camera

Embarrassingly, it took me 18 months of living in Costa Rica before I properly picked up the camera again. And that came after another 3 years of not properly picking up the camera, since the birth of our son. I'll own it, I didn't handle it particularly well. I panicked. I got depressed. Life suddenly felt very real. I had real dependents.

I spent that long pulling myself together. Trying to figure it out. Any day there was amazing light, I'd wish I was out doing photography. Even if it wasn't I wished I was out doing photography. Photography had been a source of meditation for me. A source of peace. It stilled the mind. I became engrossed in the wild and the experience, and would hope to get a great image with it.

And bizarrely, the move to Costa Rica wasn't even about that. Though naturally, I found my way back to it. But still, it took me 18 months! 18 months of being in this incredible place. This incredibly wild, diverse place. They say it's the most biodiverse place on the planet. But it was also quite daunting. Not just moving my family halfway across the world, but photographically too.

It's very different to that of the UK. After all, photographing in the wilds of the UK, the worst thing that can happen to you there is getting bitten by a tick. Now, granted, that can have serious repercussions, but somehow it doesn't stop you from stomping through or lying down in the grass carefree. Here, even the ants could send you to hospital. Ever heard of the bullet ant?

It all seemed like a lot of work. The exceptionally early mornings. Finding new places to photograph the wildlife. Learning the light, etc. So surely the better thing to do is stick to the day job I hate, start surfing, have a Pilsen in the sun, and just try to put the thing I love to the back of my mind, and just let it slowly gnaw away at my soul, until there's nothing left? What a cracking idea!!

Fortunately, my soul had taken enough punishment over the prior years that it was starting to develop some scar tissue. Eating away at it further was becoming a difficult job. And the move to Costa Rica, even with the continued photography absence, meant it started to grow back. I was in nature. There's something about seeing monkeys regularly that doesn't get old, and it shows you you're in an incredible place. And then I took up surfing. Whilst it doesn't replace photography, it put me directly in nature. What's lurking beneath those waves? Is it a shark? Is it a croc? Oh no, it's a school of rays.

But really, all of these were just excuses. I'd just fallen out of the habit of doing it. After all, I was going out surfing at the crack of dawn, so early mornings were a terrible excuse.

I can't remember the exact moment I made the decision to come back to it. I do remember taking a decision walk to decide whether to pursue a career in male mental health or take up photography again. Somehow at the time, I chose mental health. And then, at a later date, I pivoted once again. Back to photography.

Since then, I've not looked back. Photography has brought me back to me at my core, not just the family man. I get that sense of wonder and adventure back. And best of all, I seem to have awesome experiences. In the words of The Verve, "I'm a lucky man". I always seem to have what others would tell me are 'lucky encounters'.

In the last 6 months, I've had the privilege of having some incredible experiences and meeting some amazing people. I've learnt more about myself, the Costa Rican wild, and eco-tourism in the last 6 months than I have done in all of my previous years.

So here I am, and now I'm going to bring you with me. Not only through my experiences in Costa Rica, but through my world and my journey to getting here. It's been a bumpy ride of recent times, but it's been one helluva ride. And I'm liking the outlook of where this is headed, even though I don't know where that may be. So for now, as they say here in Costa Rica, 'Pura Vida'.

P.S. As I was writing this, a scorpion appeared next to my foot under the desk. I nearly shit myself. Pura Vida, eh?